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(MUNICH, Germany – August 8, 2071) German multi-national industrial giant Siemens today announced from their Munich headquarters the successful final testing of their promised artificial gravity device or AGD. A company official commented, “The first-generation AGD is designed as a wheelbarrow without wheels.” In a press release Siemens promised release of the device to the market sometime in Q1 of next year. They state that the artificial gravity device will be “the greatest labor saving machine ever invented.”

The AGD design purportedly uses principles derived from the physics of quantum mechanics. A source close to the project said, “It uses the theoretical higher dimensions by shifting the effect of the load into those dimensions. It will be like carrying a cargo of bricks that weighs nothing.”

The announcement today was part press conference, part science fair. The Siemens official first shared details of the project and then fielded questions. After that he walked offstage as the lights dimmed and driving music played amid flashing lasers. The stage curtains opened to reveal the AGD prototype allegedly code named Atlas. Lifting and transport of several substantial objects was capped by the Siemens CEO sitting cross legged on the device and being pulled around the stage and down a ramp into the crowd.

AGD development has been plagued by dangers and problems from its inception. To date, nine people have died during the eight year development period. A series of failures has been rumored which Siemens has denied. When asked about those failures, the press official again stated that there were none. He went on to say, “We are deeply sorrowful over the deaths caused by this project. We consider those who died as heroes of science who gave their lives in search of the truth.”

When pressed about the cause of those deaths, the official made a startling revelation. “Our scientists theorize that part or all of the bodies of those who died passed into the higher dimensions utilized by the device. The insertion into those dimensions caused instant death. We have since developed advanced shielding ensuring complete safety for operators.”

Development of artificial gravity dates back to 2006 when the European Space Agency reported on successful tests with superconductors (http://www.technovelgy.com/ct/Science-Fiction-News.asp?NewsNum=579). Their experiments produced non-Newtonian gravitational fields.